I Want to be a G-Man

My father died in 1996 and I have yet to go through everything we packed that belonged to him. Given that the past few weeks having been too hot to work in my garden or to get out and look for things of interest in my neighborhood, I decided now was as good a time as any to tackle the task. It has been an eye-opening and interesting experience. I’ve found WWII medals he received from flying over The Hump in China-Burma-India, the silver wings that I guess went on his flight jacket, commendations and cards from Governor Carl Sanders, gold winged buttons and a plethora of WWII snapshots of my father and his friends. I also ran across a scrapbook that he kept when he attended Georgia Teacher’s College which I now believe is Georgia Southern. In this scrapbook were numerous cards from young ladies declaring undying love which, as one might expect, surprised me. One tends not to think of their father as a ladies man, although my father had his share of affairs while married to my mother. I also discovered his report cards from his time in college and after viewing them wished he was still here so I could point out a thing or two. I remember struggling with math all through high school and college and I also remember his words to me. He told me on more than one occasion that I was just too stupid to grasp it therefore he did not have time to help me. The fact is his math skills were no better than mine so he could not help me and did not want me to know that he didn’t know. I also found funny things in this college scrapbook. His drawings were actually pretty good but his poems were atrocious. I did, however, find a letter that cracked me up. I don’t know if it was written for fun or for a class project, but I found it so funny that I thought I’d share it with you all. I’m typing it just as it was written:
Oct. 21, 1935
U. S. Captain of Police
Washington, D. C.
Dear Cap,
I am dropping you a line for the idea of applying to be a g-man.
I am the chief of police in Tuggsville, course there ain’t no more police but me but if there was I’d still be captain. My family has all been officers of the law. Granpa taken four licker stills in his day. Elmer went to the duty and got a good job as dog catcher. I got a aunt who can lick any two men her size. The Tuggs has skeert all the moonshiners within two wagon wheel greesings around here.
I aint bragging any I way 196 pounds standing on one foot. I wayed thet on pop Kichmans buying scales and they don’t way too much. If you want me youd better get touch with me rite back by return male cause corn country has been after me fer sherref fer two tater-diggings now. Back your male to Budd Tuggs, police in chief, Tuggsville, Ga.
Every time I read this letter I can’t stop laughing. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.